to dearest Harrison...

i don't know if you'll still read this blog or continue using it to record your exercises and reflections during your time at Sandhurst. But there is one thing that I would like to say.

That night when we had dinner together at One Rochester, and you surprised me with that birthday dessert, I made a real birthday wish for the first time in my life. I have never really known what i'd wish for every time i blow out the candles on my birthday cake. So it was just random stuff that I never really meant, or whatever I could think of at the moment, like doing well for 'A' levels for example. But that night, I knew. I knew exactly what I wanted, and the most ironic thing was that it wasn't even for me.

I wished that you'll be happy in the future, no matter whether I'm with you or not. You're one of the most amazing guys to be with that I've ever met, and I'll never forget or regret the times we've spent together. So embrace the future, Harrison,  and find your happiness. May you always make the best out of your situation, and find joy in everything that you do. May you find true love where it exists, and may love find you and keep you.

Yours, Claire.

One more week left till the end of Inters, cannot wait for it to be over really. Despite a daily routine of getting up at 0600 and getting to bed at about 2230, the fatigue after 13 weeks is undoubtedly taking its toll on most of us. However, things always seem to fly past at hindsight. It felt like it was just yesterday that I stepped back into New College after 3 weeks of Recess, unpacking my room and getting ready for Ex Royal Return. Then getting into a routine of lessons for two weeks before going on Ex First Encounter, where I have dug for the longest time yet, and getting dressed in 4 Romeo under the heat of summer, which I should be used to. Once Worst Encounter was done, we were thrown into the Faraday Hall stretch, with loads of essay and presentation to work on, and of course gym sessions to relieve the academic stress in the evenings. Not long after came Ex Druid's Ridge in Week 9, getting transported back to Wales in Brecon Beacons. It was a good exercise with a good mix of conventional and urban operations, the rainy weather made it just that much more memorable. Coming back from Ex Druid's Ridge saw us pushing on to France for Ex Normandy Scholar, of course there were build up lessons to prevent it from being a wasted trip. 

Back from Normandy Scholar, the Brits are pushed into preparing for their Regimental Selection Board while we, the overseas cadets just take the schedule as it goes. That was Week 12 done, not forgetting the emotional ACFT, a 1.5 mile run with 21kg, to end the week with a bang. 

A leave weekend in London allowed me to take a break from Sandhurst and then it was Log Race first thing in Week 13. Here we are, nearing the end of Week 13, pushing forward to Week 14 with loads of drill kit to prepare, loads of rehearsals for the Sovereign's Parade, all of course looking forward to the end, the 10th of August when a four weeks recess starts, allowing us to recuperate (hopefully), before throwing ourselves into the last 14 weeks-SENIOR TERM.

End of Ex Druid's Ridge, peer appraisal time. As the British Cadets are gearing up for their Regimental Selection Boards, an interview that decides how the rest of their army career will be shaped, the overseas cadets are just wishing them all the best for their interviews, in hope that they will commission into the cap badge of their choice. However, I want to do well myself, I want to be maintain my place in the middle third. Despite wanting to help them by placing them in a better place in the peer appraisals (not saying its difficult to differentiate between the good and and the average), I would like myself to be placed in a suitable place such that I still stand a chance to compete for the sword. Self conscious, selfish, maybe, I just feel that I have got so much pressure to do well, I did work hard for the exercise, but most of the command appointments were given to the UK cadets. For Singaporeans to be the first and second amongst all overseas cadets, that is my wish and I have been working hard towards it. Maybe its too early to talk about all of these, but the fact that the Intermediate is ending is not helping, knowing that there is not much time for me to prove myself and before I know it, the decision as to who are the better ones will have to be made.

Platoon Commander always say that he needs more from me, for me to be more vocal in the platoon. What does that mean? Alot of times I find people throwing themselves at the PC so that a better impression could be formed. And with no doubt are these rankings and appraisals done on first impressions, superficial you might say but the truth is many a times ugly.

Enough of ranting, let's gear up for the Inters Navex tomorrow and hopefully that helps in the rankings of some of us.

Hello Dear!!

Hey dear! You’re still out on exercise and I’m in office on a rainy Thursday morning! Hope everything’s going fine for you over there… I read your latest post! I know it definitely takes time for you to get used to the Brits’ lifestyle. And I do agree that you don’t have to do everything that they do in order to fit in! It’s good to go there and experience new stuff, and if you don’t like it, then just take it as a learning experience and that’s that. You’ll be home soon and you’ll be living and working here for the rest of your life (probably). So it’s okay! Don’t feel so stressed thinking that you have to follow them and do whatever they do :) Continue to talk to me if you have anything you wanna rant about alright? Don’t keep everything to yourself! I’m still here to listen and to advise! :)

Anyway, I didn’t get to play Floorball this week. There was some event going on at Tembusu MPH so it was out of bounds to us. But I had dinner with my friends at Sapore instead! Tried this drink called Black Russian… it’s a mix of coffee and liquor! I love it!! And I didn’t get tipsy on it at all! And yesterday night I played badminton with my colleagues at West Coast CC. Hahaha I must tell you about it la. They’re not as zai as I thought la so I wasn’t so stressed playing :) They all grow fat alr lor! When I grow up and start working I cannot let myself turn into a fat blob!! Although I’m not very good at badminton also. When you come back we must play okay? I wear shoes and guard this time so no more excuse! Set ah!

The people I played with are all NUS grads and they went to NOC (NUS Overseas Colleges), like in Philadelphia, Silicon Valley, Shanghai, Beijing, Stockholm, etc. My boss was talking to me about his experience in Silicon Valley and he really recommended that I try out for it too, rather than just do SEP (Student Exchange Programme) like everyone else. But it’s for a year. And I’ll have to graduate in 4.5 years instead of 4, on top of my double major. I’ll talk to you about that when you come back okay? We can chat about it on Oovoo!

Alright I gotta get back to work. Or I’ll be caught slacking >_< Text me when you’re back kay!! Talk to you soon <3 Love ya!!!

Yours, Claire!

What is happening? There is a run tomorrow and I am running my ass out with the Brits, not that I don't enjoy it but I am just not use to the enthusiasm that they have. The fact that they want to put in more effort to improve, not being afraid of having a sore muscle on the run the next day. This is not new but I feel that I am still not getting use to it, still feeling a little bit of a culture shock. But all it does is to make me stronger, so no harm done I guess, not like I was hanging out, I was actually feeling quite good. Maybe I am just getting use to the change in culture I guess.

Thursday! Ms Yang has not replied, the boys are going out on a lash. What am I suppose to do? Go on a lash and get wasted on a Thursday night right before Ex Druids Ridge? I am lost, must I really do this to fit in? I would rather just have a day off, go to the gym, go shop around London and then be back. Hmm..

Dear, I have a confession to make. Don't know why we did not discuss this but I think that its a little bit difficult at times. I think we did touch and go on this topic, just like I feel that I am too competitive and I am tired of being competitive, having to represent Singapore and the need to do Singapore proud, I feel that I am not enjoying myself as much as I want to. I find it a little stifling at times, I am sure I told you this before, I feel like I speak to you more in few hours than I do for a week here. At times, I just want to complain, but I just don't know who to go to. I do miss you a lot, especially during the weekends. I know you are having a camp now, so don't worry, reply me when you are free ok? I feel better typing all these out! Thanks:)

to my dearest

Hello dear! I'm blogging again in a very long time! To be honest I actually forgot completely about this blog because we always communicate via Facebook or Whatsapp or Oovoo. And the occasional email. But I'm really glad that you're making good use of this blog! It's nice to see you updating about your life over there and your attitude towards your peers and any events that you may have.

So I'm going to blog more often too! I'm going to update about my work and stuff, although there isn't really much la. Not as exciting as your life over there! Tomorrow night I'm going back to Tembusu to play floorball. Really looking forward to it! I always feel really happy when I'm meeting up with my friends to play together. They're a really fun bunch of people :) I feel very fortunate! Sigh. That's why I always hope that you can come and meet my friends! Cos I love all of y'all. But things never really turn out the way I hope they would. I guess that's only to be expected though... so it's okay! One step at a  time :)

Okay. I'm not feeling very well tonight. After work, my eyes hurt and I had a headache. But I still had to go meet my friends to discuss orientation. Heng they ended the dinner meeting early and I reached home at around 9.30pm. I brought my laptop home today to do some research actually because I felt that my work was getting a bit meaningless. Everyone's working on this really cool big project and I'm stuck with Facebook... which hardly anyone cares about. So I wanted to do some research and come up with some ideas but I'm just too tired tonight. I guess I might go to work earlier tomorrow morning and research instead.

I'm going to bed now! Love you dear! <3 Reply soon!!

This week felt really long. Dinner night, Company Prayers, Platoon socials, can't wait for Sunday to come so that I can have a little bit of "me" time. Despite the fact that I have to revise for PRACTAC and prepare for a presentation due next week.

Platoon Social: Go-Karting. It wasn't as boring as I thought, the previous knowledge I had about Go Karting was driving a slow kart around and bumping in the rest of the karts on the track, but what we did yesterday changed that my views entirely. It was thrilling and fun, although I wasn't as fast as I wanted myself to be.

One more week and we will be half way through our CC. About 50 more days to home! I don't really know why I am always counting down. BE POSITIVE!!

To be continued..